tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18036550047455542202024-02-18T18:33:47.426-08:00Adam Sandler Lyricsdiohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00095448491209479526noreply@blogger.comBlogger95125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1803655004745554220.post-24777756558936315732016-05-12T08:36:00.002-07:002016-05-12T08:36:51.753-07:00Adam Sandler other songs: <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMHbaZL3tR7_72ZtWuDKC5CbkwQb5l0nQzWZHsvGKc7ZF0jw9YZ-R-uPYpaoCwJ_xNKCgu-Dxq59ymbLWaMpfDRIGllbgKW8Dba9UaihdWFbOzLUd8oFTnfNNM6RvyhrEkDRVhJh73R0Vk/s1600/adam+sandler.jpg" imageanchor="1" ><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMHbaZL3tR7_72ZtWuDKC5CbkwQb5l0nQzWZHsvGKc7ZF0jw9YZ-R-uPYpaoCwJ_xNKCgu-Dxq59ymbLWaMpfDRIGllbgKW8Dba9UaihdWFbOzLUd8oFTnfNNM6RvyhrEkDRVhJh73R0Vk/s320/adam+sandler.jpg" /></a>diohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00095448491209479526noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1803655004745554220.post-10449461706549627652016-05-12T08:30:00.000-07:002016-05-12T08:30:29.398-07:00The Chanukah Song, Part 3 (Radio Version) lyrics - Adam Sandler[Drei-Dels:] Put on your yarmulke, it's time for Chanukah...<br />
<br />
[Adam:] Sounds good, guys!<br />
<br />
[Adam:] Give it up for the Drei-Dels, everybody!<br />
<br />
[Drei-Dels:] Once again, it's Chanukah. The miracle of Chanukah!<br />
<br />
Chanukah is<br />
the festival of lights.<br />
One day of presents?<br />
Hell no, we get the eight crazy nights! (Oh, boy)<br />
But if you still feel like the only kid in town<br />
without a Christmas tree,<br />
I guess my first two songs didn't do it for ya,<br />
so here comes number three!<br />
<br />
Ross and Phoebe from Friends<br />
say the Chanukah blessing,<br />
So does Lenny's pal Squiggy and Will and Grace's Debra Messing!<br />
Melissa Gilbert and Michael Landon never mixed meat with dairy,<br />
Maybe they shoulda called that show<br />
Little Kosher House on the Prairie!<br />
We got Jerry Lewis,<br />
Ben Stiller, and Jack Black,<br />
Tom Arnold converted to Judaism,<br />
but you guys can have him back!<br />
<br />
(Just kiddin' Tommy!)<br />
<br />
We may not get to kiss<br />
underneath the mistletoe,<br />
But we can do it all night long<br />
with Deuce Bigalow!<br />
<br />
[Rob Schneider:] I'm Jewish!<br />
<br />
[Adam:] Oh, my God. Sweet Robbie Schneider is here!<br />
<br />
[Drei-Dels:] Put on your yarmulke, here comes Chanukah...<br />
<br />
[Rob Schneider:] The guy in Willie Nelson's band who plays harmonica celebrates Chanukaaah!<br />
<br />
[Adam:] Ah, good job, Schneider!<br />
<br />
[Rob:] What are you talkin' about?!?<br />
<br />
[Adam:] All right, now.<br />
<br />
Osama bin Laden...<br />
<br />
[Audience:] BOO!<br />
<br />
Not a big fan of the Jews!<br />
Well maybe that's because he lost a figure skating match<br />
to gold medalist Sarah Hughes!<br />
<br />
(Her mama's Jewish.)<br />
<br />
Houdini and David Blaine escape straightjackets<br />
with such precision,<br />
but one thing they could not get out of...<br />
Their painful circumcision!<br />
<br />
Gwyneth Paltrow's half-Jewish,<br />
But a full-time Oscar winner,<br />
Jennifer Connelly's half-Jewish too,<br />
And I'd like to put some more in her! Whoo!<br />
There's Lou Reed, Perry Farrell,<br />
Beck, and Paula Abdul,<br />
Joey Ramone invented punk rock music,<br />
but first came Hebrew school!<br />
Hey!<br />
<br />
Natalie Portmanika<br />
It's time to celebrate Chanukah,<br />
I hope I get an Abtronica<br />
On this joyful, toyful Chanukah,<br />
So get a high colonika<br />
And soil your long-johnnakahs<br />
If you really, really wannakah,<br />
Have a happy, happy, happy, happy,<br />
happy, happy, happy, happy Chanukah!diohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00095448491209479526noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1803655004745554220.post-73094765734744458142016-05-12T08:29:00.002-07:002016-05-12T08:29:30.020-07:00The Chanukah Song, Part 4 lyrics - Adam SandlerPut on your yarmulke, here comes Chanukah<br />
So much fun-ukah to celebrate Chanukah<br />
<br />
Chanukkah is the Festival of Lights<br />
Instead of one day of presents, we have eight crazy nights<br />
<br />
When you feel like the only kid in town without a Christmas tree,<br />
Here’s the fourth list of people who are Jewish, just like Jesus, Olaf, Punky Brewster, Scott Rudin and me!<br />
<br />
Joseph Gordon-Levitt enjoys eating kugel<br />
So does Stan Lee, Jake Gyllenhaal, and the two guys who founded Google<br />
Adam Levine wears a Jewish star<br />
So does Drake and Seth Rogen<br />
Goldberg has a gold yarmulke to match the belt he won from Hulk Hogan<br />
<br />
We got Scarlett Johansson, talk about a Kosher crush<br />
And if you need a higher voice to turn you on, how about Geddy Lee from Rush?<br />
<br />
We may not have a cartoon with a reindeer that can talk<br />
But we also don’t have polio, thanks to Dr. Jonas Salk (smart Jew!)<br />
<br />
Put on your yarmulke, it’s time for Chanukah<br />
Harry Potter and his magic wand-ukah, celebrate Chanukah<br />
<br />
Jared from Subway: God dammit, a Jew<br />
But guess who’s Jewish and can fix him? "Loveline"’s Dr. Drew (get on it doc!)<br />
<br />
Princess Leia cuts the challah with Queen Elsa from "Frozen"<br />
David Beckham is the king of soccer studs and also a quarter chosen<br />
<br />
Ron Jeremy is fully Jewish and so is his foot-long buddy<br />
Shia LaBeouf is half a Jew but a 100 percent nutty<br />
<br />
It’s cool that Santa Claus makes Christmas so merry<br />
But we get two jolly fat guys: ice cream’s Ben & Jerry (both Jewish!)<br />
<br />
From New York to Iran-ukah, get up and celebrate Chanukahdiohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00095448491209479526noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1803655004745554220.post-563853707936194902010-01-14T06:56:00.001-08:002010-01-14T06:56:53.727-08:00Sid & Alex - adam sandler[telephone rings]<br /><br />I'll be up in a few! Hello?<br /><br />Hey, Sid, it's Alex. Just callin to wish ya a happy birthday, man.<br /><br />Alex, Alex, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you<br />for remembering, thank you.<br /><br />My pleasure. Did you do anything fun today?<br /><br />Nothing special. Amy made lasagna, we had cake, the kids<br />gave me a tie and some socks, terrific.<br /><br />That's awesome, man. Hey, I got a gift comin your way too. I<br />Fedex'ed it so you should probly get it tomorrow.<br /><br />[Gasp] Thank you, thank you, Alex, thank you. What is it?<br /><br />It's pretty cool. You'll see tomorrow.<br /><br />Aww, come on, give me a hint at least. Can I ride it? Can<br />I eat it?<br /><br />Nope.<br /><br />Can I fuck it?<br /><br />Ahaha, no.<br /><br />Can it fuck me?<br /><br />No.<br /><br />Is it hairy? Is it something I can shave?<br /><br />No.<br /><br />Can it blow me?<br /><br />No....<br /><br />Is it something I can blow?<br /><br />No...<br /><br />Can I fuck it?<br /><br />You already asked me that...<br /><br />If I take it apart, are there individual parts that I can fuck?<br /><br />I don't think so...<br /><br />Fair enough... If I sit on it for a while, will I cum?<br /><br />Noooo....<br /><br />Is it something Amy can strap on and fuck me with?<br /><br />Sid! No!<br /><br />If I get jizz all over it, will it be ruined?<br /><br />I think...<br /><br />Does it sweat?<br /><br />Noo...<br /><br />Is it something that can be used like... a pussy?<br /><br />That's just another way of asking if you can fuck it...<br /><br />My bad... Does it get big if you touch it?<br /><br />No...<br /><br />Does it get hard if you touch it?<br /><br />Nooo...<br /><br />If my Amy catches me blowing it, will she be mad?<br /><br />Look, you can't blow it, man, we already talked about that...<br /><br />Right, okay... let's say I'm stranded on a desert island with<br />just this item... am I getting a rim job?<br /><br />NO!<br /><br />Can I fuck it?<br /><br />NO, it's a toaster, man, just a toaster!<br /><br />Oh! So I can fuck it? In fact, two people can fuck it at the<br />same time! Alex, ya wanna come over and fuck my toaster<br />this weekend?<br /><br />Don't mind if i doo doo....<br /><br />Hahaha, oh, Alex<br /><br />Hahaha, oh, Sid...diohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00095448491209479526noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1803655004745554220.post-44192869484404593142010-01-14T06:55:00.000-08:002010-01-14T06:56:08.876-08:00Pibb Goes Surfing - adam sandlerYou were cruisin along there, Mr. Pibb<br /><br />It wasn't too painful a paddle out here to the big waves as you like to call em, Sonny!<br /><br />Didn't look it<br /><br />Actually, it was a nice wake-me-up for my laticerace muscles<br /><br />Water's pretty nice, huh?<br /><br />Boy, oh boy, the Hawaiin sea's like a warm cup of java!<br />Temperaturo perfecto as the Africans might say!<br /><br />Yeah, yeah... So listen to me for a sec, when the set comes in, just stay flat on the board, pointed towards the beach. I'll tell you when to start paddelin, and keep paddelin til the wave grabs you<br /><br />I hear ya! Let Mother Nature do her duty!<br /><br />Right on...<br /><br />Right now!<br /><br />Yeah, right now...<br /><br />Yeah!<br /><br />Then when I say stand up, hop up quick like I showed ya and ride<br /><br />Affirmative, captain!<br /><br />But don't go too far right, there's a lot of nasty coral over there<br /><br />Well here comes a triple overheader right now! Let me tear into that sucker!<br /><br />I dunno, that's comin awfully steep, Pibb<br /><br />No steeper than that tsunami I rode back in 1928 on my grandpappy's TV tray! Let's do this!<br /><br />You're the boss, Pibb... Start paddelin, now!<br /><br />Will do!<br /><br />Paddle! Paddle! Paddle!<br /><br />Paddle, paddle, fiddle faddle! I love it!<br /><br />Okay, okay, you're in it, baby! Stand up! Stand up, Pibb!<br /><br />I'm standin! I'm standin! Whoo hoo, I'm up!<br /><br />Yeah, man! Way to go Pibb!<br /><br />I'm speedin along here!<br /><br />[different man] Hey, old man, you better pull out before you hit that reef!<br /><br />Well, thanks, amigo, but I didn't come out here for no six second ride!<br /><br />Bail out, Pibb!<br /><br />Not until I get the tube! Aaaah!!!<br /><br />[crashing and cracking noises]<br /><br />[different man from before] Oh, nasty brudda!<br /><br />Hang on, Pibb, I'll be right there! Oh my God, that was sick!<br />You okay, Mr. Pibb!?<br /><br />Is there a doctor in the house? Oooooh!!!<br /><br />[another wave hits, more cracking and crashing]diohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00095448491209479526noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1803655004745554220.post-63395655613556308262010-01-14T06:53:00.002-08:002010-01-14T06:54:34.396-08:00The Amazing Willy Wanker - adam sandlerWhen I was just a little wee lad<br />I hopped on the lap of my dear old dad<br />Something jumped and poked me good<br />'That' he said 'just me morning wood'<br />A little tin soldier's marchin by<br />Sergeant major unzips his fly<br />Pulls his weapon from his camouflage pants<br />Slaps away til it starts to dance<br /><br />A shootin star's above my bed<br />Changin colors of my mushroom head<br />A rainbow jizz flys across the room<br />Little white spermies meet their doom<br /><br />(Ah!) The amazing Willy Wanker!<br />(Aaaah!) The amazing Willy Wanker!<br />And my scrotum sack he says<br />Lalalalalala, tickle me!<br /><br />Little green men from outer space<br />Here to exterminate the human race<br />Drop their ray guns and retreat to their ships<br />When marshmallow sauce squirts from me tip<br />Like a knight of olden Camelot<br />The goo takes off like an arrow shot<br />Gwynevere drops to her knees and begs<br />For the spittin dragon between me legs<br /><br />I'm using my thing for what it's for<br />Gentle knock upon me door<br />Mumsy drops her cup of tea<br />When she sees my wank standing tall and free<br /><br />(Ah!) The one and only Willy Wanker!<br />(Aaaaah!) Here comes Willy Wanker!<br />And my marble sack he says<br />Lalalalalala, tickle me!<br /><br />Rasberry scones and marmalade!<br />Squeezing my squid in the evening shine!<br />Visions of mermaids in the sky!<br />Shooting my load in me own left eye!<br /><br />Gramps was a hero in the first World War<br />But he ain't got no dick no more<br />Comes home smokin from the corner pub<br />Makes poor old Gramsy kiss his nub<br />The world spins around like a big bass drum<br />Nanny pops a pinkie in the generals bum<br />The Irish dance and the Scotsmem howl<br />Time to clean up with the washroom towel<br /><br />(Ah, yeah!) It's only Willy Wanker, yeah!<br />(Ah!) The lonely Willy Wanker!<br />And my wrinkled sack he says<br />Lalalalalala, tickle me!diohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00095448491209479526noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1803655004745554220.post-56140687545479406212010-01-14T06:53:00.001-08:002010-01-14T06:53:48.093-08:00Gay Robot - adam sandlerPass the fuckin ball!<br /><br />What an idiot!<br /><br />Fuck it, I'm gonna go get another beer. You guys want one?<br /><br />Alright...<br /><br />Two Please!<br /><br />Oh boy...<br /><br />Hahahaha<br /><br />[phone rings]<br /><br />Hello?... Yeah, yeah, cool, we're all just hangin out... Alright<br />Bye-bye...<br /><br />Who was that, some chicks?<br /><br />Nah, it was my neighbor, his robot's comin over<br /><br />What?<br /><br />Yeah, he built a robot a while ago and the robot came out gay<br /><br />Yo, we're out of Hunnyduffers so I grabbed a couple of Gooseheads...<br /><br />Okay, that's cool...<br /><br />Wait, so the robot's gay?<br /><br />Gay Robot's comin over?<br /><br />Yep...<br /><br />Oh, dude, you gotta see this, he's insane with football stats<br /><br />No way!<br /><br />[doorbell rings]<br /><br />It's open!<br /><br />Hey guys... what's up?<br /><br />Hey, good to see ya Gay Robot...<br /><br />Gay Robot in the house!<br /><br />Word up... what's the score, fuckers?<br /><br />Giants are eatin shit in the third quarter, it's 24-8 Miami...<br /><br />Don't worry, the Giants have phenominal fourth quarter numbers...<br /><br />Really?<br /><br />They'll come back and win by three<br /><br />Alright!<br /><br />I love it!<br /><br />Fuck you guys!<br /><br />Sorry, buddy...<br /><br />Who's the new guy?<br /><br />Oh, that's my friend John.<br /><br />Hey John... sweet hat!<br /><br />Uh... thanks... what's goin on?<br /><br />You know... just chillin... can I suck your dick?<br /><br />What?<br /><br />No, no, no, no, he's okay, Gay Robot...<br /><br />That was funny...<br /><br />The Gay Robot gets a little horny cause he doesn't know any<br />gay guys around here...<br /><br />Oh, I see...<br /><br />Sorry!<br /><br />hehehe...<br /><br />Oh, I can't believe you dropped that! Do something, Henderson,<br />you fat fuck!<br /><br />Hey! That was very offensive to me!<br /><br />Why? You're not fat...<br /><br />I thought you said fag!<br /><br />No, i wouldn't say that, I said fat...<br /><br />Oh, sorry!<br /><br />hahaha<br /><br />I guess if you fist fuck me, we'll be even!<br /><br />No, I'm not gay, Gay Robot...<br /><br />I thought you said you were?<br /><br />No... You know I never said that...<br /><br />I know, I was just rousing you! Good times! Good times guys!<br /><br />Hahahaha<br /><br />Hey, Gay Robot's havin a good time!<br /><br />So how do you think the Eagles are gonna do this season, Gay Robot?<br /><br />Let's find out! [whirring, beeping noises] Says here, due to injuries<br />and irratic weather patterns, the Eagles will finish a dismal 7-9<br /><br />What? No way!<br /><br />Deal with it<br /><br />The Gay Robot knows his shit, man<br /><br />Now will someone blow it on my face?<br /><br />Nobody's gay here but you, Gay Robot, so let's just watch some<br />football, alright?<br /><br />Look, I'm not here to bring the party down... It's just... I run<br />on semen... Without it, I could die... Help me to live fellas...<br />Jerk off in my mouth immediatly... Please, my circuits are<br />shorting... Starting to fade already... See a light... Going<br />towards it....<br /><br />hahahahah<br /><br />You're makin this up, Gay Robot!<br /><br />My bad! You got me! Hahaha... good times!<br /><br />Hahaahaha...<br /><br />So does he eat food like us... human people?<br /><br />Yeah, he can eat food...<br /><br />Ya want some tortilla chips, Gay Robot?<br /><br />Sounds great, John. Can I dip them in your ass?<br /><br />Ooh...<br /><br />I'm all set, thanks<br /><br />Hehehe...<br /><br />What the fuck?! The reception's all fuzzy!<br /><br />Are you kidding me?<br /><br />Don't panic... I can fix it<br /><br />Oh hey! That's right! I love it, work your robot magic, fix that shit!<br /><br />Okay, here's the problem!<br /><br />My man! What is it?<br /><br />Your cock's not in my asshole!<br /><br />Aww.... Maybe you should go home and take a cold shower, Gay Robot...<br /><br />Alright... I'll go... We'll just whack each other off and I'll bail<br /><br />Not gonna happen<br /><br />Please?<br /><br />Goodbye<br /><br />Fuck you<br /><br />Later Gay Robot<br /><br />[fly unzips]<br /><br />Oh no! Look what happened! My robo-cock fell out of my pants!<br /><br />Oh, shit, he's got a boner!!<br /><br />Taste it!!!<br /><br />[spraying sounds]<br /><br />Oh, oh!!!<br /><br />Fuckin asshole!!!<br /><br />Come on, Gay Robot!!!<br /><br />Aww, man!<br /><br />Later fags!<br /><br />[Door opens and closes]<br /><br />[Distant voices]<br /><br />Hey Gay Robot<br /><br />Hey Mr. Chasen... Can I suck your dick?diohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00095448491209479526noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1803655004745554220.post-60525184925626066502010-01-14T06:51:00.000-08:002010-01-14T06:52:25.657-08:00Pibb Tries The Skateboarding - adam sandlerAlright, Mr. Pibb, those kneepads on tight enough?<br /><br />Snug as a bug in a rug playin Dig Dug, my friend!<br /><br />Uh huh...<br /><br />I'm all set to give this skitchboard a whirl!<br /><br />Okay, we should really put a helmet<br />on you first...<br /><br />Well... helmet has the word 'hell' in it, and I don't know about<br />you, sonny, but I ain't no sinner...<br /><br />No, you're not...<br /><br />When my time comes, I'm on my way to heaven, so I won't<br />be puttin one of those demon contraptions on my head!<br /><br />Okay, Pibb... Just remember that the half pipe ain't the easiest<br />thing to do...<br /><br />Never mind all that, boy! It's only half the pipe! Let's be concerned<br />when they got the whole thing here!<br /><br />Right...<br /><br />Now can we get to the skitchboardin?<br /><br />Okay, okay... How bout we just get you on the board?<br /><br />Can do!<br /><br />Make sure you keep your knees bent...<br /><br />Can do do!<br /><br />Good job...<br /><br />Now how bout a little pushky to get me started?<br /><br />Okay, but go easy<br /><br />Hell, this is simple as a pimple!<br /><br />Yeah, yeah, you're doin pretty good there buddy!<br /><br />It's quite similar to my youth when I'd sprinkle my brother's<br />marble collection all over the basement floor, glue a plank to<br />my feet, and skim around all the live long day!<br /><br />Is that right?<br /><br />Oh, how my father detested that sound!<br /><br />I'm sure...<br /><br />Ho, ho<br /><br />Ha, yeah... you better take it down a notch there, Pibb... you're<br />startin to pick up a little too much speed...<br /><br />Nonsense, check this out! Whoo, hoo!<br /><br />You got some air there, Pibb, lookin like a natural!<br /><br />It's all about the balance, and I'm darn good with that! Just<br />ask my banker! Hahaha<br /><br />I'll get right on that...<br /><br />Say, what's the record for loop-de-loos on one of these things?<br /><br />Uh.....rotations?<br /><br />Well, ain't you fancy?<br /><br />Yeah, Tony Hawk did a 900 once, that's two and a half rotations...<br /><br />Oh, I can stick that!<br /><br />Don't try that, Pibb....<br /><br />Here we go!!! Ahhhh!!!!!<br /><br />(smack!)<br /><br />Shit! Oh, shit! Are you alright, Mr. Pibb?<br /><br />Is there a doctor in the house?!diohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00095448491209479526noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1803655004745554220.post-24053331854834916162010-01-14T06:50:00.000-08:002010-01-14T06:51:11.204-08:00Creepin' On The Mayor - adam sandlerOh, shit, is that them crazy fucks from across town? They<br />didn't see me, did they? Fuck it, they headin this way! Damn!<br />Gotta be somewhere to hide around here! No bushes, no<br />trees, what the fuck!? I'll just hide my ass in this garbage can!<br />There we go, safe and sound... No motherfucker's gonna find<br />me here! Shit, I'll just wash my clothes later!<br /><br />[Gangsters]<br />Where'd you run to, you candy ass motherfucker?<br />You can hide all you want, but when we find you we still gonna<br />fuck you up! See you tomorrow, bitch!<br />[gunshots]<br /><br />No you won't, cause I'm gonna stay in my basement all day...<br />I sure fooled them stupid fucks, hehehe...<br /><br />[Woman]<br />I'll be right there honey! Just let me throw these dirty diapers out!<br /><br />[Man]<br />Okay, baby<br /><br />[Woman]<br />Man, they stink! That baby couldn't stop shittin today!<br /><br />[Man]<br />I know, baby<br /><br />I don't care, baby shit don't mean nothin cause I'm safe and<br />sound! Shit, no one can fuck with me in this tin can! I'm a<br />motherfuckin untouchable! Yeah, yeah!diohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00095448491209479526noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1803655004745554220.post-8479077856002735092010-01-14T06:49:00.001-08:002010-01-14T06:49:57.821-08:00The Mayor Of Pussytown - adam sandlerYo it's 2004 and all you candy asses thinkin ya'll real pussies<br />ya'll ain't seen shit yet<br />eh yo man let em know<br /><br />Oh yeah, guess who's back<br />it's the mother fuckin pussy with the little nutsack<br />don't care about cheddar or the paper chase<br />i'm a fuckin grown man with zits on my face<br />a straight up chicken shit<br />a pansy ass punk<br />If i'm if i'm guarding your ass it's an automatic slam dunk<br />while thugs are at the party bustin all ya'lls asses<br />I'm hidin in the corner wonderin where the fuck's my glasses<br />Can't afford no rims my<br />my fuckin dick's so small no bitch can suck it<br />I don't pop 9's i got weak rhymes<br />back in 9 duce i got pissed on 10 times<br />I roll solo i ain't got no clue<br />i said please don't hit me more than a cow says moo<br />afraid of heights i'm a-scared in the dark<br />i walk an extra 3 miles to avoid crazy fucks in the park<br />denied by the bloods, turned down by the crypts<br />my fuckin auntie kicked my ass and she got 2 plastic hips<br />when i step to the club feel free to stare me down<br />because I just got re-elected the mayor of pussytown<br /><br />May-or-of-pus-sy-town<br /><br />When bangers hit the street i stay home and watch tv<br />slumped out on the couch so no one can see<br />unless I hear somebody knockin on my door<br />then you'll see me crawlin cross the mother fuckin floor<br />i've been a fuckin coward every day of my life,<br />that's why I pretend I don't know everyone's banging my wife<br />i won't sit on the porch, i don't want no trouble<br />i'm more afraid of goin out than the fuckin boy in a bubble<br />when the shit goes down i make a break so fast<br />look like a mother fuckin rocket goin past<br />searchin for the sneakiest place to hide<br />straight into the ladies room, ain't got no pride<br />slippin slidin, runnin hidin<br />you know damn well it's a scooter i'm ridin<br />oh no here we go, out come the glocks<br />i take off so fast i pop out my socks<br />you gonna fuck with me, i'll cry then run<br />i called the cops when i got shot with a fuckin squirt gun<br /><br />He clams up he shuts down<br />His pants he almost shits<br />He'll even look the other way if you grab his grandma's tits<br /><br />well I had a little poodle but neighbor's stoled her<br />i'd shoot her with an ak but the kick hurts my shoulder<br />i can't pop no gun and i can't fist fight<br />hell i'm afraid to take out the fuckin garbage at night<br />I use the steps in the pool cause i'm terrified to dive<br />don't fuck with my floaties they's whats keepin me alive, bitch<br />never drank remy never delt crack<br />one time I smoked weed i had a panic attack<br />if you're looking for my dick in the mens locker room<br />just bring your binoculars with a fuckin super zoom<br />naw i'm just playin i don't fuckin change in there<br />the one time I did got my bush sprayed off with nair<br />but did I stick up for myself no fuckin doubt<br />i did what i do best, i broke the fuck out<br />i ain't lookin at you i ain't tryin to front<br />it's aight with me you called my jimmy a cunt<br /><br />freakin sneakin crawlin creepin<br />when the gangs are bangin i'm in the basement sleepin<br />i'm straight from the streets seen trouble in every side<br />when the shit hits the fan i throw on a fuckin disguise<br /><br />fake nose fake wig fake beard<br />it all worked pretty good<br />sometimes I just use a map and a funny accent<br />and pretend I got lost in the hood mother fucker<br /><br />now all you coward mother fuckers out there<br />walkin round with your head hangin low<br />just cause you ate one dick<br />just know<br />my man the mayor, had to suck off his whole high school<br />case closed<br /><br />May-or-of-pus-sy-towndiohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00095448491209479526noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1803655004745554220.post-11972420675756651682010-01-14T06:48:00.000-08:002010-01-14T06:49:04.041-08:00Secret - adam sandlerThere's something I know<br />That no one else does<br />You want me to tell you what it is?<br />But if I did that then it wouldn't be, a secret<br /><br />I've gotta move my body tonight, I'm gonna go dancin'<br />Dreamin' bout the nights at the club, with the fun and romancin'<br /><br />Mommy sees the look in my eyes, she can tell something's different<br />Daddy doesn't understand why, but he can tell something's different<br /><br />I've got a secret, my own little secret<br />No one knows my secret, cause it's a secret. Secret.<br /><br />Shhh don't tell, Shhh don't tell<br />I trimmed my buuuuuu-shhh don't tell<br />I trimmed my buuuuuu-shhh don't tell<br /><br />And nobody knows that my bush is cut low as I dance and I sing and I put on a show<br />And i'm feeling so free, nothing hanging off me while the bass gets stronger, I'm a half an inch longer<br /><br />And I touch it and rub it and pinch it and squeeze it and tug it and twirl it<br />and flick it and swirl it, and fuckin and suckin and fuckin and suckin and fuckin and suckin<br />Fuckin and suckin, Fuckin and suckin!<br /><br />Music if fillin my body from my head to my toes<br />The DJ gives me a smile, maybe he knows<br />I hear whisperin from my left to my right, all over the party<br />i'm the super-star of the night, I did something naughty<br /><br />I gave myself a haircut, don't tell<br />I'd like to tell you where but, don't tell<br />I've got a secret, don't tell<br />It's my own secret<br /><br />I trimmed my buuuuu-shhh don't tell<br />I trimmed my buuuuu-shhh don't tell<br /><br />And I feel so special and so beautiful<br />As I reach down and give my new friend a quick pull<br />I'm scratchy and itchy and a little bit bitchy<br />and if I find scissors i'd trim my friend Ritchie<br /><br />And I touch it and rub it and pinch it and squeeze it and tug it and twirl it<br />and flick it and swirl it, and fuckin and suckin and fuckin and suckin and fuckin and suckin<br />fuckin and suckin fuckin and suckin!<br /><br />I can wear my pants extra low tonight<br /><br />My secret's gettin out of control, it's burstin out of me<br />Gotta drop my pants to the floor, so the whole club can see<br />The special way I trim my curlies, so fuzzy and soft<br />Cause when my shrub is short and tight my piggie won't get lost<br /><br />I had a secret, don't tell<br />But now you know my secret, don't tell<br />I gave my bush some haircuts, don't tell<br />To emphasize my bare nuts<br /><br />I trimmed my buuuuu-shhh don't tell<br />I trimmed my buuuuu-shhh don't tell<br /><br />And I touch it and rub it and pinch it and squeeze it and tug it and twirl it<br />and flick it and swirl it, and fuckin and suckin and fuckin and suckin and fuckin and suckin<br />fuckin and suckin fuckin and suckin!diohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00095448491209479526noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1803655004745554220.post-90824564785999021932010-01-14T06:46:00.000-08:002010-01-14T06:48:37.198-08:00The Boss And The Secretary - adam sandlerLouise?<br /><br />Yes, sir?<br /><br />I want ya in here right now!<br /><br />I'll be right in.<br /><br />Damn straight you'll be right in<br /><br />What do you need, sir?<br /><br />What do I need? You know what I need<br /><br />Uh, no I don't, sir<br /><br />I want you to come on over here, fish my cock out of these<br />trousers, and suck on it for a while!<br /><br />Sir, I don't think I can do something like that!<br /><br />Oh, you can and you will, bitch! Kneel down, now!<br /><br />What if someone comes in?<br /><br />You think I give a flying fuck about that shit? You get over<br />here and you start suckin it!<br /><br />Well, alright...<br /><br />Yeah! Yeah, that's it! Reach in there! Reach in there and get<br />yourself some candy<br /><br />Okay...<br /><br />Okay, a little lower, though...<br /><br />Umm... alright...<br /><br />Little... little lower...<br /><br />Yeah?<br /><br />No, to the left!<br /><br />Left?<br /><br />Damn, bitch, do I gotta do everything? Pull down my pants!<br /><br />O.. Okay...<br /><br />Now the tighty whities, pull that shit down too<br /><br />Mmmm....<br /><br />Watch out now, here it comes! Boing! Now what you think of that?<br /><br />What do I think of what?<br /><br />This! My ding-a-ling! Come on, play with the shit a little<br /><br />Uh, okay...<br /><br />Lower, baby! Gettin warmer...<br /><br />Okay...<br /><br />Let me pull the fatty rolls apart, spring that shit out for ya<br /><br />Yeah, that would help<br /><br />Whoop, there it is!<br /><br />Haha... What the fuck is that?<br /><br />Play with the shit<br /><br />Okay...<br /><br />That's right, jack it up and down<br /><br />Well...<br /><br />Up and down!<br /><br />Well, it's hard to grab onto!<br /><br />Keep tryin, you thick fingered bitch! Use your pinkies!<br /><br />Oh, okay... I'll try that<br /><br />Yeah, now we got it goin on...<br /><br />Yeah?<br /><br />Let me fuck those pinkies...<br /><br />Okay...<br /><br />Yeah...<br /><br />Okay...<br /><br />Keep pressure on the sides of it, baby, keep it sprung! Yeah!<br />Tell me how much you love it<br /><br />Ooh, I love it<br /><br />Tell me it makes you horny<br /><br />Ooh, I'm gettin real horny<br /><br />Tell me it's bigger than a Tic Tac<br /><br />But it isn't!<br /><br />I don't give a shit if it is or isn't! Say it is!<br /><br />Alright! Your dick is bigger than a Tic Tac!<br /><br />Damn right, Tic Tac, cashew, thumbtack, half a grape, it's<br />bigger than all that shit!<br /><br />All that shit put together!<br /><br />Now don't get crazy on me, bitch, let's keep this shit semi-real<br /><br />Aw, I like a man who shaves down here!<br /><br />I don't shave that shit, bitch! I'm still waitin on them weeds to<br />bust out and grow and what not!<br /><br />What? You mean you haven't reached puberty?<br /><br />I guess the only way to get you to shutup is to throw a dick in your mouth!<br /><br />Okay...<br /><br />Well, then suck on that shit!<br /><br />Uh, okay... Mmmm... yeah, I'm suckin... suckin away here<br /><br />That's a pimple, you dumb twat!<br /><br />Ugg...<br /><br />Move your mouth lower!<br /><br />Mmmmm<br /><br />Oh, oh yeah, now you're on it! You're on it!<br /><br />I'm on it?<br /><br />That's it!<br /><br />Okay!<br /><br />Oh, that feels nice!<br /><br />Okay!<br /><br />Oh, hell yeah!<br /><br />Yeah, there you go!<br /><br />Oh, oh, shit, fuck, ow!!<br /><br />What's wrong?<br /><br />It's caught between your teeth! Get it out! Get it out!<br /><br />I'm sorry, sir!<br /><br />Don't be flossin with that shit, you gap-toothed bitch! Be careful!<br /><br />Look, maybe I should just lick it then, okay?<br /><br />Do somethin!<br /><br />Im gonna lick it! Cause I love to lick that thing, okay?<br /><br />Yeah...<br /><br />Yeah, baby...<br /><br />Yeah!<br /><br />Yeah, you like that, baby?<br /><br />Oh, yeah!<br /><br />Whoah, whoah, whoah!!! Somethin just spewed all over my face!<br /><br />That was the pimple again!<br /><br />Oh, uh uh...<br /><br />Let me reiterate. Down. Lower. Bitch!<br /><br />Okay, you fat fuck!<br /><br />What's that?<br /><br />I'm just playin with ya, haha...<br /><br />Oh, you better be playin! Oh yeah, that's it, now you're on it!<br /><br />I'm on it?<br /><br />Oh, oh smoke that roast, bitch...<br /><br />Okay...<br /><br />Whoah, whoah, whoah, whoah, slow down, not so fast!<br /><br />Oh, okay<br /><br />I got shit I wanna do to you, woman!<br /><br />Oh boy...<br /><br />Time to pull your dress off... You're gonna get fucked!<br /><br />I don't know, sir, I mean... is that... is that really possible?<br /><br />Don't give me no lip, bitch! You want me to smack you in the<br />face with this shit?<br /><br />Hahahahaha<br /><br />"Hahaha" you laughin now? Get the fuckin dress off!<br /><br />Well, alright, but you have to promise me you're gonna use a condom<br /><br />You know I can't wear that shit!<br /><br />I do, I'm just playin! Hahahaha<br /><br />Condom! You've been watchin too many of those XXX movies,<br />seein that fake dick shit those actors have hangin off their real dicks<br /><br />Those aint fake dicks, those are real big dicks!<br /><br />Bitch, I suppose you think Star Wars is real, too! That they<br />really got space ships and Chewbaki and all that shit! Stupid,<br />colorful bitch! Hahahaha!<br /><br />Alright, my panties are off... You gonna try to fuck me now, or what?<br /><br />Try? I'm gonna fuck your eyes crossed, you apathetic bitch!<br />Wham, wham, wham! How you like me now, bitch, how you like me now?<br /><br />Is it seriously in?<br /><br />In? You gotta stop fuckin all them rhinos and blue whales! Not<br />only is it in, but the shit's about to blow! Ooooh! Mmmm...<br />Hope you're on the pill, bitch, cause I blew that wad all up in ya<br /><br />I.. I got it, it's right on the end of this hair, here<br /><br />Shit, yeah, clean yourself up, bitch. There's a beach towel in<br />my bathroom<br /><br />I'll just use this Q-tip<br /><br />Whatever, just do it and get the fuck back to work!<br /><br />Okay, BB Dick!<br /><br />What's that?<br /><br />I'm just playin! Bye!<br /><br />Shit, what a life I've got... It's good to be Mr. Peter Bodd... Damn good...diohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00095448491209479526noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1803655004745554220.post-12914051728879890772010-01-14T06:44:00.004-08:002010-01-14T06:46:21.792-08:00Best Friend - adam sandlerWhen I'm at the bus stop and you drive by in your mom's car<br />You tell me the bus already left<br />Cause you're my best friend!<br />When I'm at the locker and my shirt's buttoned wrong<br />You tell me to fix it<br />Cause you're my best friend<br />Best friends tell you you got boogers on your nose<br />Best friends don't laugh when you wear your grandpa's clothes<br />You're my best friend!<br />When those guys ripped up my ticket for the Mariah Carey show<br />You told me it wasn't that great<br />Cause you're my best friend (You're my best friend!)<br />When those guys gave me the wrong directions to Mark Hagen's party<br />You told me it wasn't that great<br />Cause you're my best friend! (You're my best friend!)<br />Best friends tell you when you got Cheetos in your teeth<br />Best friends dont ring your doorbell then punch you in the chest<br />You're my best friend!<br />(Best friends!) Dont call you Pit Stains or Marphy<br />(Best friends!) Way back when you waved hello!<br />(Best friends!) Don't hold their nose and point at you<br />(Best friends!) Help you find your hat<br />Oh, you're not just a friend<br />You're my best friend<br />(Take it!)<br />When those mean girls stole my pants and tied me to the front gate of the school<br />You told the teacher I was out there<br />Why? Cause you're my best friend! (You're my best friend!)<br />When Mr. Koocher's dog ran at me and bit me in the stomach<br />You were playing football so you couldn't help but I know you would've<br />Cause you're my best friend (You're my best friend!)<br />(Best friends!) Don't kneel behind you while the other guys push you<br />(Best friends!) Don't step on your sandwiches!<br />(Best friends!) Help you out of the caf. garbage can<br />(Best friends!) Don't tell you that Tracy Garner wants to dance with you<br />Oh, you're not just a friend... you're my best friend!<br />Oh, you're not just a friend! You're my best... friend!<br />Call me back!diohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00095448491209479526noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1803655004745554220.post-44385034724063098192010-01-14T06:44:00.003-08:002010-01-14T06:44:55.612-08:00The Mule Session - adam sandlerMy girlfriend left me for a seven foot Indian<br />My grandma hung herself on a tree in the Caribbean<br />My sister's on the dope and my brother always picks his nose<br />And Daddy's only happy when he's wearing Mama's pantyhose, yeah<br />I just lost my job to a God damn robot (Good times!)<br />Then my dog got in the freeze box, he ate everything I got<br /><br />But I've got my mule<br />He's a very, very nice mule<br />He walks with me home from school<br />Cause he's a very, very nice mule<br /><br />When he was a baby my mother fed him gruel<br />But now he prefers to dine on his own stool<br />He always philosophizes with the rabbis after shul<br />Cause he's a very, very pious mule<br /><br />When he sees a picture of a carrot he has a tendency to druel<br />On Halloween he tries to scare me by dressing up as a ghoul<br />He once challenged someone who stole my hat to a duel<br />Cause he's a very, very Old school mule<br /><br />A needle-nosed plier is his favorite tool<br />He lifeguards on a volunteer basis and the Rec. Center pool<br />When I break down on the side of the road he shows up with unleaded fuel<br />He's a devoted fan of Ms. Paula Abdul<br /><br />And also approves of the recent makeover of former folkie Jewel<br />[coughing]<br />When I told him Halle Berry's husband cheated he just shook his head and said to himself 'what a fool'<br />Cause he's a very, very monogamous mule<br /><br />[snoring] Porkchop! Wake up, man, the session's not over!<br /><br />After several well-publicized arrests for public urination he now drinks exclusively O'Doul<br />And every year he puts on a presentation at the Boys Club to show kids smoking isn't cool<br />His favorite Elvis song is 'Don't be Cruel', no it's 'Hound Dog'<br />I was just kidding youdiohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00095448491209479526noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1803655004745554220.post-25062510079242613222010-01-14T06:44:00.001-08:002016-05-25T05:02:00.076-07:00"Stan And Judy's Kid" (1999)<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhyqDdoCthI6rTHCN81JPBzznjBEmJMNToqIbktfPqeuD3jol6i2M1PUqESZbTmmMLs9aXklo27_Iz9BTHVkL2VclgSLpUxBusiPHTcelNOn8jFDOpH-9vUvM-pazq4BuPii6irYYyrc8r9/s1600/Stan+And+Judy%2527s+Kid.jpg" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhyqDdoCthI6rTHCN81JPBzznjBEmJMNToqIbktfPqeuD3jol6i2M1PUqESZbTmmMLs9aXklo27_Iz9BTHVkL2VclgSLpUxBusiPHTcelNOn8jFDOpH-9vUvM-pazq4BuPii6irYYyrc8r9/s320/Stan+And+Judy%2527s+Kid.jpg" /></a>
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<ul>
<li><a href="http://adamsandlerlyric.blogspot.com/2010/01/hot-water-burn-baby-adam-sandler.html">Hot Water Burn Baby</a> - adam sandler</li>
<li><a href="http://adamsandlerlyric.blogspot.com/2010/01/cool-guy-1-adam-sandler.html">Cool Guy 1</a> - adam sandler</li>
<li><a href="http://adamsandlerlyric.blogspot.com/2010/01/7-foot-man-adam-sandler.html">7 Foot Man</a> - adam sandler</li>
<li><a href="http://adamsandlerlyric.blogspot.com/2010/01/peeper-adam-sandler.html">The Peeper </a>- adam sandler</li>
<li><a href="http://adamsandlerlyric.blogspot.com/2010/01/cool-guy-2-adam-sandler.html">Cool Guy 2 </a>- adam sandler</li>
<li><a href="http://adamsandlerlyric.blogspot.com/2010/01/dee-wee-my-friend-massive-idiot-adam.html">Dee Wee (My Friend The Massive Idiot)</a> - adam sandler</li>
<li><a href="http://adamsandlerlyric.blogspot.com/2010/01/cool-guy-3-adam-sandler.html">Cool Guy 3</a> - adam sandler</li>
<li><a href="http://adamsandlerlyric.blogspot.com/2010/01/she-comes-home-to-me-adam-sandler.html">She Comes Home To Me </a>- adam sandler</li>
<li><a href="http://adamsandlerlyric.blogspot.com/2010/01/champion-adam-sandler.html">The Champion</a> - adam sandler</li>
<li><a href="http://adamsandlerlyric.blogspot.com/2010/01/cool-guy-4-adam-sandler.html">Cool Guy 4 </a>- adam sandler</li>
<li><a href="http://adamsandlerlyric.blogspot.com/2010/01/chanukah-song-ii-adam-sandler.html">The Chanukah Song (II)</a> - adam sandler</li>
<li><a href="http://adamsandlerlyric.blogspot.com/2010/01/inner-voice-adam-sandler.html">Inner Voice</a> - adam sandler</li>
<li><a href="http://adamsandlerlyric.blogspot.com/2010/01/cool-guy-5-adam-sandler.html">Cool Guy 5 </a>- adam sandler</li>
<li><a href="http://adamsandlerlyric.blogspot.com/2010/01/welcome-my-son-adam-sandler.html">Welcome My Son</a> - adam sandler</li>
<li><a href="http://adamsandlerlyric.blogspot.com/2010/01/psychotic-legend-of-uncle-donnie-adam.html">The Psychotic Legend Of Uncle Donnie</a> - adam sandler</li>
</ul>
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<br />diohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00095448491209479526noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1803655004745554220.post-49902227178863662872010-01-14T06:43:00.001-08:002010-01-14T06:43:59.318-08:00Hot Water Burn Baby - adam sandler[Father:] Well Ryan, tomorrow's a big day. Your mom's coming home from the hospital with your new baby sister.<br />[Ryan:] baby sister<br />[Father:] That's right, baby sister.<br />[Ryan:] baby sister<br />[Father:] So, uh, I think now is the time for us to go over some safety rules for when you're around your new baby sister.<br />[Ryan:] safety rules<br />[Father:] Okay, rule number one: Always wash your hands before touching the baby.<br />[Ryan:] wash hands<br />[Father:] Do you know why?<br />[Ryan:] no<br />[Father:] Well, because sometimes you have germs on your hands and germs are bad for the baby cause they can make the baby sick.<br />[Ryan:] germs make baby sick<br />[Father:] That's right, that's right, Ryan. Germs make baby sick.<br />[Ryan:] germs make the baby sick<br />[Father:] Okay, rule number two.<br />[Ryan:] more rules<br />[Father:] Don't feed the baby anything.<br />[Ryan:] don't feed the baby.<br />[Father:] That's right.<br />[Ryan:] why?<br />[Father:] Well, because the baby needs to eat special baby food.<br />[Ryan:] why?<br />[Father:] Oh...well, other food is bad for the baby.<br />[Ryan:] other food bad for the baby<br />[Father:] That's right, good. Now, rule number three.<br />[Ryan:] more rules<br />[Father:] Never take hot water near the baby because hot water will burn the baby.<br />[Ryan:] water bad for the baby<br />[Father:] Well, not all water, just hot water,<br />[Ryan:] yes<br />[Father:] Cause hot water will burn the baby.<br />[Ryan:] i don't understand, daddy<br />[Father:] Okay, see this glass of water that I'm drinking?<br />[Ryan:] yes<br />[Father:] Well, this water is okay for the baby.<br />[Ryan:] yes<br />[Father:] Here, touch the glass.<br />[Ryan:] yes<br />[Father:] See, it's nice and cool.<br />[Ryan:] yes<br />[Father:] Now if this was hot water that would be bad because hot water can burn the baby.<br />[Ryan:] hot water burn baby?<br />[Father:] Yes, hot water burn baby.<br />[Ryan:] hot water burn baby<br />[Father:] Yes, yes, hot water burn baby.<br />[Ryan:] hot water burn your baby<br />[Father:] Yes.<br />[Ryan:] baby can't go in swimming pool?<br />[Father:] Oh no, the swimming pool is okay. Swimming pool water is cool.<br />[Ryan:] yes<br />[Father:] That's alright.<br />[Ryan:] yes<br />[Father:] But the jacuzzi is bad because that water is hot and hot water will burn the baby.<br />[Ryan:] hot water burn the baby<br />[Father:] Yes.<br />[Ryan:] hot water burn the baby<br />[Father:] Yes. Now say you made a cup of tea, would you take that near the baby?<br />[Ryan:] yea, baby like tea<br />[Father:] No Ryan, uh, I don't think you get it yet.<br />[Ryan:] baby no like tea?<br />[Father:] Well, I'm sure the baby will like tea, but what do you make tea with?<br />[Ryan:] ...hot water<br />[Father:] Right, and what did we say about hot water?<br />[Ryan:] ...oh, hot water burn baby<br />[Father:] Yes, hot water burn baby!<br />[Ryan:] hot water burn baby!<br />[Father:] That's right so no tea near the baby.<br />[Ryan:] hot water burn baby<br />[Father:] Yes.<br />[Ryan:] baby no take bath?<br />[Father:] No, bath water is warm. Warm is okay.<br />[Ryan:] yes<br />[Father:] Hot is bad.<br />[Ryan:] yes...hot water burn baby<br />[Father:] Yes, hot water burn baby.<br />[Ryan:] hot water burn baby<br />[Father:] I think you're gettin' it!<br />[Ryan:] hot water burn baby<br />[Father:] That's right, Ryan.<br />[Ryan:] hot water burn baby<br />[Father:] NOW DON'T YOU EVER FORGET THAT!<br />[Narrator:] 30 year later!<br />[Wife:] Hey, Ryan, what are you doing out there?<br />[Ryan:] Just watchin' the discovery channel.<br />[Wife:] Well, dinner's gonna be ready in about five minutes.<br />[Ryan:] Aw, great baby, aight, I'll be in in a few momentos. Lemme just wind down...(garbled)<br />[Wife:] Okay, honey!<br />[Ryan:] Yeah.<br />[TV:] The villagers of Pasquan<br />[Ryan:] Pasquan<br />[TV:] have a very bizarre and painful way of welcoming their infants into the community.<br />[Ryan:] [garbled]<br />[TV:] Unfortunately, the death rate from this ritual is a mortifying 90 percent.<br />[Ryan:] My God.<br />[TV:] That explains the Pasquan's low population.<br />[Ryan:] Yeah, it does.<br />[TV:] On the first full moon of Autumn, all the Pasquanian mothers wrap their new-borns in traditional hand painted deerskin,...<br />[Ryan:] Deerskin.<br />[TV:] ...which have been passed along from generation to generation.<br />[Ryan:] That's nice.<br />[TV:] The entire Pasquan population then forms a circle on the sacred battlefield of Chin-Chara.<br />[Ryan:] ya-yara<br />[TV:] Each Pasquanian baby is then passed, hand to hand, around the circle...<br />[Ryan:] Wow.<br />[TV:] ...four times.<br />[Ryan:] Four times.<br />[TV:] Once for the sun,...<br />[Ryan:] Hmm.<br />[TV:] ...once for the moon,...<br />[Ryan:] The moon.<br />[TV:] ...once for the earth,...<br />[Ryan:] The earth.<br />[TV:] ...and once for the wind.<br />[Ryan:] The wind, too.<br />[TV:] When the babies arrive back in their mother's hands, they are marched, in procession, to the Pasquanian natural hot springs...<br />[Ryan:] What?<br />[TV:] ...where the ceremonial purification will be completed.<br />[Ryan:] What are you saying here?<br />[TV:] As we watch, the mothers take their progeny out of the deerskin shells...<br />[Ryan:] No.<br />[TV:] ...and dunk them into the steaming water.<br />[Ryan:] No! No! Hot water burn baby! Hot water burn baby!<br />[Father:] That's right, Ryan. Hot water burn baby.<br />[Ryan:] Hot water burn baby!<br />[Wife:] Ryan! What's going on out there? Are you okay?<br />[Ryan:] Hot water burn baby!<br />[Father:] Hot water burn most definitely burn baby.<br />[Ryan:] Hot water burn baby!<br />[Father:] That's right, Ryan. Hot water burn baby!<br />[Ryan:] Hot water burn baby!<br />[Father:] You are a bitch, Ryan!<br />[Ryan:] Hot water burn baby!<br />[Wife:] Ryan, are you alright?<br />[Father:] Hot water burn the baby!<br />[Ryan:] Hot water burn baby!<br />[Wife:] Ryan!<br />[Father:] What are you gonna do, whore?<br />[Wife:] Ryan!<br />[Ryan:] Hot water burn baby!<br />[Father:] Bitch!<br />[Wife:] Ryan! What's going on out there?<br />[Ryan:] Hot water burn baby!<br />[Father:] Whore!<br />[Wife:] Who are you talking to?<br />[Father:] Bitch!<br />[Ryan:] I'm talking to the man!<br />[Father:] Whore!<br />[Ryan:] Hot water burn baby!<br />[Wife:] Ryan!<br />[Father:] Bitch! Ryan is a whore!diohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00095448491209479526noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1803655004745554220.post-76768584345117841592010-01-14T06:42:00.001-08:002010-01-14T06:42:45.641-08:00Cool Guy 1 - adam sandler[SEAN:] Ooh baby, you looking good.<br /><br />[GIRL:] Thanks sean.<br /><br />[SEAN:] you got it going on strong, baby. Skin so soft and hair so right.<br /><br />[GIRL:] I think you're nice too, sean.<br /><br />[SEAN:] Let me take off this shirt of yours and see that beauty mama has given you. [taking off her clothes]- Ohh, so fine so right.<br /><br />[GIRL:] Oh sean, you're so silly.<br /><br />[SEAN:] What's going on with these little silk panties, baby? Slowly, slide them to the ground. [taking down her panties] (Gasps) yeah, baby yeah. That's what I'm talking about.<br /><br />[GIRL:] It's my turn sean. Let me take down your pants. [begins to unzip his pants]<br /><br />[SEAN:] Is that what you want to do baby? Why don't you put those soft sweet hands on my Jimmi-jamma.<br /><br />[GIRL:] ...On your what?<br /><br />[SEAN:] On my-- on my manhood,... baby.<br /><br />[GIRL:] No wait a minute did you say "Jimmer Jammer" before?<br /><br />[SEAN:] Well I-- I guess I did, I--<br /><br />[GIRL:] [beginning to gather all her clothes] I got to go.<br /><br />[SEAN:] No, no, you sure about this, baby?!<br /><br />[GIRL:] Yeah, later King Jimmer Jammer. [leaves]<br /><br />[SEAN:] Yeah, Cause I'll... Cause I'll call you. Damn!!! Walking out all naked and shit.<br /><br />[THE END]diohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00095448491209479526noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1803655004745554220.post-69637017858175111382010-01-14T06:40:00.002-08:002010-01-14T06:41:23.562-08:007 Foot Man - adam sandlerWe just wrote this song on the bus the other day so just sit back and relax<br /><br />I'm the 7 foot man,<br />I've commited no crime,<br />Bumping my head into doorways,<br />It happens all the time,<br />I'm 7 feet tall,<br />And I repeat,<br />They dont make a ski boot that can fit my feet,<br />I'm 7 feet tall,<br />And I dont play basketball,<br /><br />I'm 7 feet tall,<br />But I'm still just a man,<br />So of course it hurts me a lot,<br />When I walk into the ceiling fan,<br />Small people say I wish I was him,<br />But its been nine years since I've had a trim,<br />The barber says,<br />I cant reach the top of his head,<br /><br />7 foot man,<br />(ha ha)I cannot hide,<br />7 foot man,<br />I know cause I've tried,<br />7 foot man,<br />My last girlfriend died,<br />Because my penis,<br />Is 7 foot wide!!!!!!!!!<br /><br />So the next time you see me,<br />Walking around,<br />And my head is right about to hit a tree branch,<br />Tell me to duck down,<br />And I'll pay you back ,<br />Soon you will see,<br />By getting you frisbee down from that tree,<br />I do what i can,<br />I'm the 7 foot man,<br /><br />7 foot man,<br />7 foot mandiohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00095448491209479526noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1803655004745554220.post-58053581835562400592010-01-14T06:40:00.001-08:002010-01-14T06:40:40.000-08:00The Peeper - adam sandler[singers:] The Peeper, The Peeper, whats goin' through his head? woah!<br /><br />[Leaves rusteling]<br /><br />[Peeper:] Climin' the tree. slowly. quietly. lookin' for next branch. found it. got it. windo high. great view. settelin' in. keepin' it quiet. hidden. heart pounding through chest. waiting. lookin' around. nervous. lights on, jackpot, here she is. oh my. no pants. classey. not to tight. walkin around the room. no idea Im here. lovin' it. Rubbin her feet. tough day. relaxin'. hops off bed, goin twards bathroom. shuttin' the door. alone again... waiting. lookin' around. board. pullin' out nippel clips. Painful! ow... but these are a bit.<br /><br />[door opening]<br /><br />Bathroom door opens. lovin' it. oooh my.... hairs in a pony tale. she picks up the tv clicker. click<br /><br />[tv makes noises]<br /><br />sittin' back. watchin. watchin' her watch. lovin it.<br /><br />[giggling]<br /><br />she laughs. ha ha ha. I laugh. oh yea. sharin a moment.<br /><br />[dog panting]<br /><br />theres a dog. not good.<br /><br />[sniffing]<br /><br />he can smell me. should've shoured.<br /><br />[barking]<br /><br />barkin. wont leave. oh no, here she comes. stayin motionless. fuckin' dogs loosin it.<br /><br />[window open]<br /><br />[girl:] Bud! you be quiet and go home like a good boy.<br /><br />[dog stops barking and walks off]<br /><br />[Peeper:] dosnt see me. she's gorgous. Im grotesque.<br /><br />[knock]<br /><br />[Peeper:] knock at front door! she goes to answer!<br /><br />[door opens]<br /><br />[Peeper:] Its him.... chizzeled features.. they kiss. Im fuming. also hard. hatin' myself. sniffin fingers.<br /><br />[woman:] ohhh...<br /><br />[Peeper:] she moans! ohhhh! I moan. He looks up. busted. should not have moaned...<br /><br />[footsteps]<br /><br />[Peeper:] he walks toword windo. muscular<br /><br />[man:] this guy. gotta be fuckin kiddin me<br /><br />[Peeper:] full of rage. looking right at me.<br /><br />[man:] theres a guy in the tree out here.<br /><br />[Peeper:] full of shame.<br /><br />[woman:] are you serious?<br /><br />[Peeper:] completely worthless. hard as a rock.<br /><br />[man:] I see you shit head! well the cops are comin you sick fuck! and if you even think of runnin away Ill bash your fuckin' skull with a lead pipe!<br /><br />[Peeper:] stayin still. motionless. pretending to be a squirrel.<br /><br />[squirrel noises]<br /><br />[dialing]<br /><br />[Peeper:] not working. shes calling. dreams shattered<br /><br />[talking]<br /><br />[Peeper:] ultimate humiliation.<br /><br />[squirt]<br /><br />[Peeper:] ejaculating.<br /><br />[man:] AWWW!!! YOU GROSS PIG! YOUR A PIECE OF SHIT YA KNOW THAT!<br /><br />[Peeper:] yes I do... cant help myself.<br /><br />[car pulling up and door opening]<br /><br />[cop:] L.A.P.D. get down from the tree buddy.<br /><br />[squirrel noises]<br /><br />[Peeper:] trying the squirrel thing again. looking for a nut.<br /><br />[cop:] I said get down from there!<br /><br />[Peeper:] down I go...<br /><br />[Slam, slam, slam, slam]<br /><br />[Peeper:] Oh!<br /><br />[woman:] I hope they put you im for a long time! you need some serious help you ass hole!<br /><br />[Peeper walking away:] I know I do... Its an addiction<br /><br />[cop:] lets go big guy, c'mon<br /><br />[Peeper:] wifes going to kill me.<br /><br />[cop:] dont be doing this shit mr... nippel clips.<br /><br />[Peeper slamming into cp car seat]<br /><br />[Peeper:] handcuffed... cant sniff fingers...<br /><br />[door slams and engine warms up]<br /><br />[Peeper:] please piss on me...<br /><br />[cop:] yea, this is officer Tyler, everythings under controle.<br /><br />[Peeper:] PLEASE piss on me? If somebody could piss on me, that would be great.<br /><br />[singers:] The peeper, belly eaper, hes goin off to jail! WOAH!diohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00095448491209479526noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1803655004745554220.post-9796495003520622442010-01-14T06:39:00.000-08:002010-01-14T06:40:08.164-08:00Cool Guy 2 - adam sandler[The Sounds of waves crashing]<br /><br />[SEAN:] This is quite the chill night. kicking back on the beach with a fine girl such as yourself.<br /><br />[GIRL #2:] Yeah, the waves are so calming.<br /><br />[SEAN:] So, is your body looking like michaelangelo made you or some shit.<br /><br />[GIRL #2:] Thanks Sean, that's so sweet.<br /><br />[Sean presses 'play' button on tape player]<br /><br />[SEAN:] Let's see what's going on under this velvet top of yours.<br /><br />[GIRL #2:] Uh-oh.<br /><br />[SEAN:] Oh calming, your coming off strong with some beautiful waves of your own there, baby.<br /><br />[GIRL #2:] Oh Sean, you're so cute.<br /><br />[SEAN:] Why don't we leave the summer skirt on, but let's take those fine panties passed those long, strong legs of yours, hmm?<br /><br />[GIRL #2:] Oh my god.<br /><br />[SEAN:] Yeah.<br /><br />[GIRL #2:] And how about you take off clothes, Sean.<br /><br />[SEAN:] Oh, oh is that right, baby? You want me to show my stuff, too?<br /><br />[GIRL #2:] My god, you look good, Sean.<br /><br />[SEAN:] Yeah, yeah baby I keep in shape, you know.<br /><br />[GIRL #2:] Ooh.<br /><br />[she starts to unbuckle his pants]<br /><br />[SEAN:] Yeah, unbuckle my pants, move hands on my wet weiner and let's get it swingin'.<br /><br />[GIRL #2:] What's that?<br /><br />[SEAN:] Let's get it swingin'.<br /><br />[GIRL #2:] No, the other thing you said?<br /><br />[SEAN:] ...The wet-weiner?<br /><br />[GIRL #2:] [gasps] You know what?<br /><br />[SEAN:] Yeah?<br /><br />[GIRL #2:] I'm going to go throw up, now. See you.<br /><br />[SEAN:] Hmm, leave me all horny here. How... how you going to get home there, baby?<br /><br />[GIRL #2:] I'll walk. [She begins to walk away]<br /><br />[SEAN:] Mm-hm. I'm-a call you.<br /><br />[GIRL #2:] Don't. [She's gone]<br /><br />[SEAN:] A'ight, A'ight. I'm go in for a swim anyways, you know that baby. [to self:] Going to get this swing-ding wet somehow. Salted off the rubarbs, ain't that a bitch?<br /><br />[THE END]diohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00095448491209479526noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1803655004745554220.post-41757310623373309452010-01-14T06:36:00.000-08:002010-01-14T06:39:37.955-08:00Dee Wee (My Friend The Massive Idiot) - adam sandlerHe said he'd be here at seven<br />The clock just hit 7:22<br />It's too cold outside<br />To wait for my ride<br />Watching mama try out a new doo (Bruins)<br /><br />He said he'd be here at seven<br />But it just hit 7:35 (already?)<br />Here in Brockton, Mass.,<br />I got my thumb in my ass<br />Mama's combing up a big beehive (Celtics)<br /><br />Where the fuck is he?<br />Where the fuck is he?<br /><br />The bitch doesn't even bother calling<br />Even though it's 7:44 (I fell asleep, pally)<br />I'm feeling kinda antsy<br />Mama's getting fancy<br />Slicking back a wet pompadour (Red Sox)<br /><br />He said he'd be here at seven<br />It's closing in on 8:01 (Trimmin' the ÂÂ'stache, kid)<br />Me lookin' like a sap<br />In a wool knit cap<br />Mama's next move is a bun (fuckin' Patriots)<br /><br />Where the fuck is he? (My pants are still in the dryer, dude)<br />Where the fuck is he? (I couldn't find my fuckin' snowboots, pal)<br />I wish I had a car (Huge, huge hangover)<br />Oh, no (Massive hailstorm, massive hailstorm, massive)<br /><br />That stupid little punk<br />He's probably fuckin' drunk<br />I bet he drank a case<br />Wanna pop him in the face right now<br />Mama's eyebrow<br /><br />Wicked good<br />Wicked good (Oh, GOD)<br />Wicked good<br />Wicked good (Fuck yeah)<br />Wicked good<br />Wicked good (Pisser?)<br /><br />Well my friend is still a no-show<br />And I'm getting' fucking pissed (Why?)<br />'Cause I could've gone with Charlie<br />In the side of his Harley<br />Mama's on the phone with a stylist (Fuck Charlie!)<br /><br />So I guess I ain't going out tonight<br />'Cause the digits say 12:09 (Shit-faced)<br />But call the operator<br />'Cause one perm later<br />Mama's hair sure do look fine (Heffenreffer!!!)<br /><br />Where the fuckdiohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00095448491209479526noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1803655004745554220.post-6934625420508863262010-01-14T06:34:00.000-08:002010-01-14T06:35:24.141-08:00Cool Guy 3 - adam sandler[Sean pouring champagne]<br /><br />[SEAN:] Yeah. Yeah. That's right. Baby I have to tell you, you looking unbelievably delicious laying there.<br /><br />[GIRL #3:] Oh Sean, you're so sweet.<br /><br />[SEAN:] Not as sweet as your silky thighs mama, I think I want to taste'em.<br /><br />[He presses the 'play' button on his tape player]<br /><br />[SEAN:] I going to start with your scrumptious toes as an appetizers, then I'm going to move up your body with my tongue, 'til I reach those lucious icecream sundaes.<br /><br />[GIRL #3:] Mm, sounds nice. What else?<br /><br />[SEAN:] Well, then I'm going to work my way back down, 'cause it's time for the main course. I'm like a bee heading down to your honey pot. But I won't be flying away soon, no I won't.<br /><br />[she laughs sensually]<br /><br />[SEAN:] Ooh, zippity, dippity.<br /><br />[she takes a sip on the champagne]<br /><br />[she laughs sensually]<br /><br />[GIRL #3:] Tell me, what do you want me to do to you?<br /><br />[SEAN:] Yeah, baby, I got a lot on my menu, but if I could recommend something, it would have to be tonight's special: My pud.<br /><br />[GIRL #3:] What did you just say?<br /><br />[SEAN:] I said you going to like tonight's special...<br /><br />[GIRL #3:] And that's your pud?<br /><br />[SEAN:] Yeah.<br /><br />[GIRL #3:] You got to leave.<br /><br />[SEAN:] Mm-hmm. A'ight. Just let me find my pants and I...<br /><br />[looks for pants, finds them, struggles to put them on]<br /><br />[SEAN:] I'm leaving.<br /><br />[zips up pants, stops tape player, pulls out tape]<br /><br />[SEAN:] Could you at least tell me the best way home?diohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00095448491209479526noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1803655004745554220.post-20177089874394320132010-01-14T06:32:00.000-08:002010-01-14T06:33:32.846-08:00She Comes Home To Me - adam sandlerThough I have been a fool for love<br />I have finally made my score<br />I got a girl, and I don't mean to boast<br />But she loves me the most<br />Even though she's a highly paid whore<br />She'll give head to a sheep<br />She can stuff three cocks in her cheek<br />But she comes home to me<br />She'll do the groom and the best man<br />She'll slap your ass in the back of a van<br />But she comes home to me<br />She could fuck nine guys in a row<br />But still have a tenth for me<br />And I'm the only one who gets to kiss them lips<br />Unless you pay an extra fifty<br />So mister, don't you fall in love<br />Cause I'm the only cat who doesn't wear a glove<br />Since her heart belongs to me<br />She has a throat that just won't quit<br />She can take all of it<br />And still have room for your balls<br />but she shops in the malls for me<br />She'll say twelve then call back and say one<br />But I don't care I know it's just work not fun<br />When she blows you, Jack<br />Don't you think she's not thinking of me<br />She'll go down on a yack, lick a horse's nutsack<br />But strictly for the cash<br />And it's only me who doesn't pay a fee<br />to watch her put a water bottle in her gash<br />(Put a water bottle in her gash)<br />She'll let you suck her nips till they're leakin'<br />But don't you dare try to go antique-ing<br />Cause she does that with me<br />Her pussy's sweet as honey<br />But when she moans, it's just for the money<br />Unless she's sittin' on me<br />She'll cram your asshole with a mouse<br />But she won't do it in our house<br />Tough luck, Jack<br />She knows that don't fly with me<br />She might eat your wife's box<br />But she won't tell ya where you left your socks<br />She rolled up and down your fat prick<br />But it was me who took her to the Meg Ryan flick<br />She's got a face full of nuts<br />And a mouth full of cocks<br />She's done Seal, Larry King, four New Kids on the Block,<br />She blew the Winnepeg Jets right after a game<br />But they never got to know her actual name<br />On your face she will piss<br />On your chest she might poop<br />But she won't prepare her famous vegetable soup<br />That's simply reserved..<br />Oh she'll bite ya, she'll spank ya<br />But she'll never thank you for free<br />Cause baby... comes home to me.<br />Comin' home!!diohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00095448491209479526noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1803655004745554220.post-27806078390615068752010-01-14T06:25:00.000-08:002010-01-14T06:32:53.582-08:00The Champion - adam sandler[Donald:] Welcome back on this glorious sunday afternoon for the final round of the Enbuary classic. The legendary Champion is now approaching the 18’th tee off with an insomauntible 8th stroke lead.<br /><br />[The Champion:] Well let’s wrap this thing up<br /><br />[Donald:] The gallery lets the champion know what a fine three days of golf he has had. The always charming Champion is now taking time to high five a young spectator and the boy, the boy is awestruck. Haha, the gallery erupts into delight<br /><br />[Random person in the gallery:] Go get them champ!<br /><br />[Donald:] Yes Yes. I think it would be hard to find in any sport a champion who is as beloved as this one. And the encouraging gallery goes silent. Eight strokes ahead of the pack, the Champion slowly starts his back swing.<br /><br />[Honking car horn]<br /><br />[Champion:] Four! (Hit the golf ball.)<br /><br />[Donald:] Oh no no! Apparently the honking horn had some sort of concentration effect on the champion’s usual monstrous drive.<br /><br />[Champion:] Is that Greag normen’s kid or something?<br /><br />[Gallery begins to laugh.]<br /><br />[Donald:] The Champion shakes it off and makes some sort of humorous remark about the horn to the gallery and they eat it up.<br /><br />[Champion:] Let’s get the ball back on the field.<br /><br />[Donald:] Yes Yes, well now the Champion, his Caddy, and the elendent gallery make their way to the Champion’s ball, which is unfortunately larged next to a very thick tree route. The champion and his caddy talk it over. He;s going to play it safe and punch out with a 7 iron with a 8 stroke lead this is simply smart play by the legendary Champion. He approaches the ball.. let’s watch.<br /><br />[Champion:] Take a swing at the ball hitting the tree route in the process<br /><br />[Donald:] Oh,well I.. I don’t think that’s what the Champion had in mind when he took that swing. The ball is now 10 yards.. um into the woods after ricoshaying off the tree route, and ther’s a look of pain on the Champion’s face. He is shaking his hands as if to say I did not have a strong enough grip on the club when I hit the tree route, and my hands are stinging quite badly.<br /><br />[Champion: (Start Grunting)]<br /><br />[Donald:] The Champion is starting to mutter some obscenities about the car horn, which if you just joined us blew earlier during the champion’s back swing at the 18’th tee off. Well now his caddy and friend of 25 years, Mr. Skipijankings, is doing every thing he can to get the champion’s mind back on track.<br /><br />[Skipijankings: (Say line during: is doing every thing he can...)] Forget about the car horn, let’s just win this thing!<br /><br />[Champion:] Hahah, you’re right.<br /><br />[Donald:] What wonderful veteran words of wisdom. The Champion nods in agreement, and heads into the woods to set up for his third shot which he will have to play out of a dreadfully muddy lie. He’s sticking with his 7 iron closes the club face a little. He starts his swing.<br /><br />[Champion:] (Swing at ball)<br /><br />[Donald:] And the ball did not move, um if anything it’s a little deeper in the mud.<br /><br />[Champion:] What is this fucking quick sand?!<br /><br />[Donald:] The Champion is now conferring with coarse marshal, David Canner.<br /><br />[Champion:] What do I do next?<br /><br />[David:] Gonna have to drop one.<br /><br />[Donald:] And yes i.. it has been ruled that his ball is unplayible, he will take a drop and a one stroke penally.<br /><br />[Champion: (Start laughing a bit too hard as if you where drunk)]<br /><br />[Donald:] and the Champion is now laughing very hard, uh one might say a little too hard, but none of the less, he drops his new Areo Fly Ball and resumes play.<br /><br />[Gallery: (Start to clap)]<br /><br />[Donald:] Back with his trusty 3 wood, the Champion lines up his shot. He starts his back swing.<br /><br />[Champion: (Fart)]<br /><br />[Donald:] He flatuates. Stops his swing, and steps away from his ball, and whispers something too his caddy, Mr. Skipijankings.<br /><br />[Skipijankings:] Wha? What do you mean you got to take a Shit?<br /><br />[Champion:] I’ve got to shit.<br /><br />[Skipijankings:] Finish the fucking hole, we’ve got to win this mother fucker!<br /><br />[Random man in gallery:] Jesus Christ man!<br /><br />[Donald:] Well now the Champion is staring angrily at his caddy. He continues to star for quite some time, and then abruptly walks back to his ball; not taking much time set up at all he swings,<br /><br />[Champion: (Swing at the ball.)]<br /><br />Connects, a Smash of a hit!<br /><br />[Gallery:] (applaud)<br /><br />[Donald:] Starting to slice, oh no it goes directly into the center of a man-made water hazard!<br /><br />[Champion:] You’ve got to be fucking kidding me!<br /><br />[Donald:] The Champion slowly walks over to his golf bag, unzips it, and pulls out, hmm what I believe is a 16 oz silver beverage container and starts drinking in large gulps. Why don’t we take this time for a word from our sponcers, and then we will return to our final round coverage of the Enbuary Classic. (Whispers: Well I have no idea what he was thinking)<br /><br />[ANNOUNCER GUY:] What do 17 major championships, over 6 million dollars in prize money, and the complete domination of the sport of golf have in common? Two things: The Champion, and Areo Fly Balls. Areo Fly Balls, they just seem to go further. If it’s good enough for the Champion, don’t you think it’s good enough for you.<br /><br />[Donald:] Well welcome back to our final round coverage of the Enbuary Classic.<br /><br />[Random Man: (Say this during the beginning)] PUT YOUR SHIRT BACK ON!<br /><br />[Champion:] I’ll tell you one thing. no one’s fucking up me in my hole.<br /><br />[Donald:] As we join the action,<br /><br />[Champion:] Because thay are fucking ugly<br /><br />[Donald:] We can see his caddy and long time friend, Mr. Skipijankings, trying to cox the Champion out of the sand trap where he is presently on his back making a snow angle.<br /><br />[Skipijankings:] Get up! GET THE FUCK UP. WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!<br /><br />[Champion:] All right (get out of hole)<br /><br />[Donald:] Well the Champion is now ceasing his softmories behavior and is climbing out of the trap onto the green.<br /><br />[Champion:] Yee-Haw! (Charge at Skipijankings and Tackle him)<br /><br />[Donald:] The Champion has just tackled long time friend, Mr. Skipijankings, I’ve never scene any thing like this.<br /><br />[Skipijankings:] That’s it! I’m getting the Fuck out of here! You’re fucked up dude, you need some help!<br /><br />[Champion:] Ya I need help fucking your wife!<br /><br />[Skipijankings:] Fuck you! (Kick the Champion very hard!) Don’t you EVER TALK about my wife! I’ll FUKING KILL YOU MAN!<br /><br />[Donald:] Hear Hear! Generally Tempered, long time friend Mr. Skipijankings now storming off the forced hole, not with out hearing some expletive words hurled at him by the classless lord of the lace. Tears streaming down his face, the Champion is now alone on the green left with mainly a 12 foot put. (Police sirens are going off) Who would of thought that a horn honk could bring about such disaster and disarray in one ma’s life. The Champion, now lining up his put, using the flag stick as his putter for some odd reason. He takes a few steps towards the hole, unbuckles his belt, The CHAMPION is defecating in the cup, and the gallery has scene enough! Not a moment too soon the police have arrived, and are advancing towards the champion slowly. In a last desperate act, the Champion holds the flag stick as if it were a large lance from medieval times, and runs full kilt in rage in his eyes towards the Officers.<br /><br />[Officers (Begin firing guns)]<br /><br />[Donald:] They Open fire. The champion has been shot. He is down on the green, he’s not moving, walking inching their way towards the champion, the officer checks the champion’s pulse, and signals to the other police that the Champion is sure enough dead. If you are just joining us Sunday May 7’th at 2:42 P.M. perhaps the greatest golfer of our time is diseased at age 39. My God have mercy on his sole. This has been Donald Hefington saying good day, and good golf.diohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00095448491209479526noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1803655004745554220.post-86723285032615425132010-01-14T06:24:00.000-08:002010-01-14T06:25:05.203-08:00Cool Guy 4 - adam sandler[Sean on the phone with a call-girl.]<br /><br />[SEAN:] What's your name, baby?<br /><br />[GIRL #4:] Desiree.<br /><br />[SEAN:] Ohh, what a nice name for a nice girl, such as your self.<br /><br />[GIRL #4:] What's your name?<br /><br />[Sean presses 'play' button on tape player]<br /><br />[SEAN:] My name's Sean, I want to get it on.<br /><br />[GIRL #4:] Ooh.<br /><br />[SEAN:] You know what I'm talking about, honey, I want to drop some serious loving on you, mama.<br /><br />[GIRL #4:] Oh Sean, you sound so strong, like you really know what you want.<br /><br />[SEAN:] Yeah baby, I'm strong as a bear, I want to wrap my big arm around you...<br /><br />[GIRL #4:] Oh my.<br /><br />[SEAN:] You want to be spinning around for some more lovin' I got for you?<br /><br />[GIRL #4:] That's sounds nice, sean.<br /><br />[SEAN:] You know what else sounds nice, the sound of your clothes slidding off and hitting the floor. that's music to my ears.<br /><br />[GIRL #4:] I'm already naked, how about you?<br /><br />[SEAN:] Well, I'm half way there, baby, just let me slip out of these silky boxer shorts of mine.<br /><br />[GIRL #4:] You must look good you stud, are you hard?<br /><br />[SEAN:] Baby, my tally-whacker's all revved up and ready to go.<br /><br />[GIRL #4:] ..."Tally-whacker"?<br /><br />[SEAN:] No, no, no... I said the sweet-meat.<br /><br />[GIRL #4:] Oh my god.<br /><br />[SEAN:] What?<br /><br />[GIRL #4: {To other call girl}] I just heard some fucking idiot call it a tally-whacker.<br /><br />[Sean groans]<br /><br />[CALL GIRL #2: {To Girl #4}] Your kidding?<br /><br />[GIRL #4: {To other call girl}] And his sweet-meat.<br /><br />[CALL GIRL #2: {To Girl #4}] That's so gross.<br /><br />[she hangs up]<br /><br />[SEAN:] No. She did not just fucking hang up on me for 4 dollars a fucking minute.<br /><br />[hangs up]<br /><br />what the fuck is happening<br /><br />[weeping]<br /><br />... I'm horny, goddamn it. Oh, shit. Fucking, this is so un-chill.diohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00095448491209479526noreply@blogger.com0